This is going to sound REALLY STRANGE!!

When I paid my $250 application fee to Duke, they sent me a packet of information which included all of the post operative instructions. I made the decision a (week or so after the first of the year) that after the Braves Fanfest (weekend of the 12-13th) I would begin the liquid diet per the instructions given. I had an appointment with my nephrologist on Jan. 10th (where I weighed 293) and he OK'ed it with a modification on how much fluid I should drink. I started the diet on the morning of 1/15/08 and have lost 28 lbs, so far.

OK....now fast forward to yesterday. I totally fark up what time I'm supposed to meet Annie and Lee leaving Keith and I an hour to talk in the restaurant before they are supposed to arrive. Keith tells me "You're doing so well on this diet..... Do you think you ought to have the surgery?? You've gone through so much already....."

I think you ought to call Duke and see if you can put off the surgery for 6 months and see where you are then. "

That's a full blown WOW. (period)

To say I'm torn is the understatement of a lifetime. I've psyched myself up for "the day...." and now this!!

On one hand, I am really pleased with my progress (it seems to be right in line with others who have had the surgery-if not better) and am finding it relatively easy to stick to the liquid diet and "just say no." Even when the temptation is staring me in the face less than two feet away. I think (for the first time in my life) I'm seeing sucess and that I'll be able to reach my goal.

I am also thinking to myself that maybe in the past, i didn't give it my best for long enough to see results. I am also concerned that if I have the surgery I won't get to fully participate in things like going to the ballpark to take in a game and a Gerogia dog or going to Preggos (my fav Italian dig) for my anniversary and getting some wonderful pasta dish. Any and all events with my family center around everyone bringing some dish to share and eating. Can I balance healthy eating/exercise and only splurge on occasions and still keep the weight off?

Strangely enough, I'm not at all scared about the surgery itself. I've been off and on the operating room table so many times that I've stopped keeping count. I've also been septic and that's no fun!! I have complete faith in the DUKE staff and that's not a concern.

On the other hand, there is a ton of self doubt!! All the failures in the past, haunt me. Wondering if I did get the weight off, will I keep it off and knowing that it is also possible to eat around the surgery. I think of WLS surgery as the "permanent solution." But is it really if I can control my eating?

As you can see, I am really in a quandry!!

I feel I owe it to myself to give myself six more months and see where I am then.

I think I'm going to call DUKE and postpone my first appoinrtment for six months.

A not so cosmic Kelly!! (I hate decisions like these!!)